Flourishing in Friendship
Let's explore how anxiety and self-doubt can arise in friendships, even when nothing seems wrong on the surface. This reflection emphasizes the importance of open communication, expressing personal needs, and approaching difficult conversations with vulnerability. Not all friendships are meant to last forever. Self-growth can help us build emotional resilience- ultimately, offering guidance on nurturing meaningful connections while also strengthening one’s relationship with oneself.
Navigating Friendships
It’s spring quarter of my sophomore year! The sun is shining☀️, flowers are blooming🌷, and it seems like the beauty of each day should be reflected in my mood😁. But unfortunately, it’s not. I’ve never been more anxious and caught in my thoughts about my friendships. Nothing is really wrong, but I can’t help shake the feeling that something is. I feel insecure in the relationships I have established.
Am I asking to hang out too much? I forgot to ask them how their exam went. I hope it doesn’t seem like I don’t care. Am I reading too much into this situation? Maybe I should just give them space. Why do I feel alone in this?
Mind you, my friends haven’t done anything to make me think about these things. It was simply my anxious thoughts getting the best of me and not having the skills to dismantle my mistaken beliefs. It leads to me distancing myself from them. And now I just feel worse. I call my mom for advice. What I learned from this very long phone call, I summarize below:
Note that while I use friendships as my example, these lessons are very applicable to different situations, like romantic relationships or relationships with family members.
Tell them!
Your friends love and care about you. If you’ve been feeling anxious and insecure in your friendship, let them know that. Be sure to approach it from an “I” and “my” viewpoint in order to open to conversation from a vulnerable and non-accusatory start.
It’s not selfish to express your needs.
Your friends will most likely ask what they can do to help you feel more secure and fulfilled within the friendship. Be honest! Do not feel that it is selfish to advocate for your needs, and try to be specific. This can open a healthy dialogue about friendship boundaries and expectations.
It’s uncomfortable.
Conversations about needs, expectations, and boundaries in a friendship are not easy and can be scary. It requires trust in the strength of your friendship and an acknowledgement that you deserve to feel fulfilled and secure in your friendship.
Sometimes it’s not for you anymore.
Unfortunately, there may be instances in which a friendship just isn’t right anymore. Things change, people change, and such is the course of life. You will find that type of connection again and maybe even more fruitful. Also, not every friend is meant to be your best friend, and you can’t be the best friend to everyone.
Grow your relationship with yourself.
This is also an opportunity to take a look at yourself and how you can grow. How can you increase the assuredness you have in yourself? Can you be alone without feeling lonely? What things have you done for yourself recently? Don’t forget how powerful it can be.
Friendships and relationships in general are hard sometimes, but the growth that comes from making the effort to nurture them is worth it. The people in your life are here for a reason, a season, a lifetime, and everywhere in between; cherish them and always remember your worth!
Written by: Ryan Esquivel, Class of 2025
Resources
Stanford Resources
- Well-Being Coaching: Work with a supportive partner to design your own vision for well-being. Figure our what you want and need at this phase of your life. Move through uncertainty with a trusted guide.
- Wellness Buddies: This campus program, in partnership with Stanford Mental Health Outreach, aims to support students with their physical, emotional, and mental health.