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Good Grief: Understanding Loss

While the holiday season can often be associated with caroling and cheer, for many, the holidays stir up strong feelings of loss, sadness, and grief. Returning home to loved ones can bring about confusing and unwanted emotions that are difficult to carry alone. Reaching out to on-campus support systems such as Well-Being Coaches, CAPS providers, or support groups can alleviate some of the burden. At home, speaking to family members about how you feel can help establish a shared sense of connection.

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Reflecting on Your Loss

While the holiday season can often be associated with warmth, hot cocoa, and cheer, for some, the holidays stir up strong feelings of loss, sadness, and grief. Whether you’re reflecting on the loss of a loved one, distance from family members and friends, or even grief for something you were hoping would come to fruition, your feelings are incredibly valid and worth paying attention to. Taking the time to genuinely check in with yourself will allow you to be honest about your emotions and give you the space you need to tend to them. Reflecting on how you feel, whether positive or negative, is never easy. Luckily though, there are a plethora of resources- both on and off campus- that can help you become more comfortable holding space for how you feel. 

On-campus, you can always reach out to a CAPS provider or Well-Being Coach, a residence director for your neighborhood, a chaplain through the Office for Religious & Spiritual Life, or even family and friends. While it can be intimidating to speak up when you’re feeling down, reaching out to someone about it can alleviate some of the weight that you may be holding inside. Even further, staff at CAPS can connect you to different support groups or talk sessions in our community to help you find others who feel the same way as you. Talking about how you feel with others who can relate to you is a great way to feel both seen and heard.

Off-campus, dealing with unexpected and strong emotions can be difficult. In a lot of cases, returning home for the holiday season can bring about unwarranted feelings or even trigger trauma responses for some, which can be tiresome to battle alone. Know that while you’re home, it’s OK to remove yourself from situations that aren’t suiting you. Find time to take care of yourself, whatever that may look like. Go for a walk, do a breathing exercise, color, or even watch a favorite childhood movie with a sibling. Try your best to use this break to unwind and relieve some of the stress you may be feeling. In some cases, it might be useful to reflect with family members about the grief that you feel. Try asking your family members to share their favorite memories with a lost loved one or show you old photos of them. Highlighting all of their goodness can help you not only remember them fondly, but can establish a sense of connection with your family members. Always remember that life is full of ups and downs. Experiencing feelings of grief amid celebration, joy, and excitement is entirely normal.

Written by: Chase Klavon, Class of 2025

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Resources

Stanford Resources

Additional Resources

  • KARA: Local, off-campus grief support offering peer groups and resources for grieving. 
  • The Dougy Center: A site to find support, resources, and connection before and after a death. You can find tip sheets, activities, podcasts, and more through their personalized toolkits.
  • Queer Grief Club: A resource providing inclusive, compassionate, and empowering spaces where queer grievers can find solace, support, and build community.