Grief Over the Holidays: Five Recommendations

Is it Okay to Feel Grief Over the Holidays?

Grief is a process of sorrow about someone or something lost. Usually, the term grief refers to the intense difficulties after the death of a loved one. You may also grieve the loss of a beloved pet, a relationship, health, or other important facet of life.

Holidays can magnify grief. Our normal routines are changed. We notice who is missing at special gatherings. We may feel flooded with memories. We may feel unsure how to behave or feel. We may feel exhausted, not jolly. There’s a wide range of physical, emotional, cognitive, spiritual, and social impacts of grief that are different for everyone.

You may get annoyed your friends seem happy when you are so sad. Maybe you may feel guilty for enjoying something or having a laugh despite your loss. You may feel numb. You may feel tired or have brain fog. You can be disappointed at fate or mad at God. All these experiences are normal.

Here are five recommendations for you:

1. Observe what is happening

Write it down. Don’t worry about grammar or spelling, just brain-dump without editing. Your body, mind, and heart are in adjustment and require understanding, not judgement.

2. Update or change traditions

There is no one right way to express remembrance; try out what feels meaningful. Traditions some students have shared:

• Saying a prayer
• Making a donation to Cancer charity
• Leaving a seat at the table
• Baking Dad’s recipe
• Writing a letter to my late sister
• Singing Grandma’s favorite hymn
• Lighting a candle or incense

3. Practice control of the foundations of wellness

SLEEP on schedule, hydrate thoroughly, eat healthy, move your body each day. Loss makes life feel out of control. Simple self-care acts can help. 

4. Balance time and energy

Make time for togetherness, and time for reflection and rest. Do not become isolated, but set boundaries to avoid overwhelm.

5. Community Care

Accept support and help from others. Words may not be helpful but assistance with an errand or simply staying present is mutual care.

Grief is not a dysfunction; it’s a natural life process that honors what we love.

Give yourself grace and flexibility as you learn to integrate life-changing loss and change. Remember not to face grief alone. (See resources below.)

Written by: Dr. Helen Hsu, Director of Outreach, Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS)