In the midst of the winter quarter and the pressure to 'lock in,' it can feel impossible to schedule time for yourself or friends. We might even feel like different parts of our identities are competing with one another, but there is only so much time in one day. Setting boundaries, whether in your personal life or with friends, is an approachable way to organize your life and needs.
Tips for Setting Boundaries
While it might seem like therapist talk, boundary setting is a practice anyone can integrate into their daily life. It often does not even require another person- just yourself and some mindfulness. Consider the last time you went to bed at a reasonable hour without procrastinating your sleep- this is an example of a small daily boundary you can set for yourself.
If we want to be able to show up for others, we have to show up for ourselves. Think about all the steps you have to take to get to class. Waking up, getting dressed, brushing your teeth, etc. So, in this crash course for boundaries, our first step can be establishing your nonnegotiables.
Establishing Your Nonnegotiables
Think about the time you want to get to bed each night, and make a conscious effort to shut off whatever task you’re completing at the time to ensure you’re properly rested for the next day. What do you need to function properly every day, and how do you make sure that you’re getting what you need?
Set a Timer
Now that you know personal time is important for you, how do you integrate that? A personal favorite is to set a timer, usually from 5-15 minutes, and then do whatever task I have assigned myself. If gaining momentum and motivation is difficult for you, then setting a timer is a great way to establish an executive system. Give yourself a quick “3, 2, 1” and run the timer. The time will pass regardless- how do you want to spend it?
Reach Out
When in doubt, reach out. Whether it is your friends or university resources, there are spaces to turn to when unsure (how to study, how to approach a tense conflict, etc.). Think about an audit and how an outsider comes in to assess the performance/effectiveness of something. Going to well-being coaching or therapy can help point out areas of improvement in your life you may not have recognized before.
And most importantly, practice self-compassion and forgiveness. Boundaries, people, and needs change. You might not be able to get to bed at 11:30 PM every single school night, but some nights are a friend's birthday or family visiting. Think of boundaries as flexible, meant to bend with you, not constrain you.
Written by: Chavi Coy, Class of 2026
Resources
Stanford Resources
- Well-Being Coaching: Work with a supportive partner to design your own vision for well-being. Figure out what you want and need at this phase of your life. Move through uncertainty with a trusted guide. Sign Up for a Coaching Session
- Counseling & Psychological Services: CAPS' diverse staff are committed to clinical excellence and culturally responsive care. CAPS offers clinical services, groups and workshops, Let's Talk in Community sessions, and options for care outside of CAPS.
- The Bridge Peer Counseling Center: Peer counseling by trained students who can offer a listening ear and/or advice regarding common issues and concerns facing students (i.e. relationships, academic, financial).