Life After College
School often serves as the predominant structure in our lives. It gives us a menu of choices––classes, dorms, extracurriculars––but we’re not alone in that experience. We have a cohort of other people making the same choices at the same time. For me, there was comfort in that kind of parallelism.
On My Own Path
After undergrad, my familiar college structure disappeared and suddenly our timelines scattered. My friends and I ended up in different cities and at different life stages. Now, I receive texts from friends venting about difficulties at work, describing the cities they’re learning to call home, or even asking me which engagement ring they should choose. It’s great to see where my friends’ lives are taking them, but sometimes I catch myself wondering, “Am I behind because I’m not doing what they’re doing?” Without the structure of school, we have the freedom to define what we’re doing and when we’re doing it. That freedom can be liberating, but also scary, disorienting, and full of self-doubt.
Recently, I caught up with two other Stanford alums on separate occasions and was surprised to hear that they both- despite being on completely different paths- described the post-grad experience as “lonely.” It’s striking, but not surprising. It’s difficult to feel grounded when you’re no longer surrounded by people who are in the same stage of life. For me, it was being in grad school with classmates who already had PhDs, children, or established careers. For others, it might be moving to a city of strangers, a new workplace, or even their hometown. I missed being surrounded by people who were at the same life stage as me, because the safety in numbers gave me reassurance that what I was doing was “correct.”
Everyone’s timeline looks different after college, and it might be tempting to compare yourself to others or question your choices. In those moments, I remind myself that I’m on my own path, shaped by values, goals, and circumstances that are unique to me. Figuring this out took time, of course. I reflected a lot on my identity and purpose, and this gave me greater confidence in my decisions.
For those who are graduating, you might lose a lot of structure in your life, and I can’t promise that it won’t be lonely. All I can say is that in those moments, don’t go looking for structure in someone else’s life. With time and self-reflection, you can rebuild that structure from within, guided by what matters most to you.
Written by: Anonymous, Class of 2023 Alum
Resources
Stanford Resources
- Stanford Life Design Lab: Helps students reimagine their lives using design thinking primciples. Great for anyone feeling "off-path." Check out their workbook Designing Your Life and workshops like "Designing the Post-Grad Experience.
- Stanford Alumni Association: Career and Life Transitions Programs: Offers events, mentorship, and resources for navigating the uncertainties of post-grad life.
Additional Resources
- Why You Should Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: This article from Psychology Today offers practical strategies to interrupt comparison cycles, particularly relevant in the era of social media.