Grief is a natural response to loss, often intensifying during holidays when routines shift and the absence of loved ones becomes more pronounced. It is common to experience a range of feelings, from sadness and numbness to guilt and anger. Dr. Helen Hsu, Director of Outreach and a psychologist at CAPS, offers five recommendations to help you navigate feelings of grief. Grief is an essential life experience that requires understanding and compassion. Embrace the journey with grace and remember that you are not alone.
Is it Okay to Feel Grief Over the Holidays?
Grief is a process of sorrow over the loss of someone or something. Usually, the term grief refers to the intense difficulties after the death of a loved one. You may also grieve the loss of a beloved pet, a relationship, health, or other important facet of life.
Holidays can magnify grief. Our everyday routines have changed. We notice who is missing at special gatherings. We may feel flooded with memories. We may feel unsure how to behave or feel. We may feel exhausted, not jolly. There’s a wide range of physical, emotional, cognitive, spiritual, and social impacts of grief that are different for everyone.
You may get annoyed that your friends seem happy when you are so sad. Maybe you may feel guilty for enjoying something or having a laugh despite your loss. You may feel numb. You may feel tired or have brain fog. You can be disappointed at fate or mad at God. All these experiences are normal.
Five recommendations:
1. Observe what is happening
Write it down. Don’t worry about grammar or spelling, just brain-dump without editing. Your body, mind, and heart are in adjustment and require understanding, not judgment.
2. Update or change traditions
There is no one right way to express remembrance; try out what feels meaningful. Traditions some students have shared:
- Saying a prayer
- Making a donation to Cancer charity
- Leaving a seat at the table
- Baking Dad’s recipe
- Writing a letter to my late sister
- Singing Grandma’s favorite hymn
- Lighting a candle or incense
3. Practice control of the foundations of wellness
SLEEP on schedule, hydrate thoroughly, eat healthy, move your body each day. Loss makes life feel out of control. Simple self-care acts can help.
4. Balance time and energy
Make time for togetherness, and time for reflection and rest. Do not become isolated, but set boundaries to avoid overwhelm.
5. Community Care
Accept support and help from others. Words may not be helpful but assistance with an errand or simply staying present is mutual care.
Grief is not a dysfunction, it’s a normal life process honoring what we love.
Give yourself grace and flexibility as you learn to integrate life-changing loss and change. Remember not to face grief alone. Check out the resources below to support you on your journey.
Written by: Dr. Helen Hsu, Director of Outreach, Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS)
Resources
Stanford Resources
- Center for Teaching and Learning: Offers accessible and inclusive learning environments where you can build transferable academic skills, confidently take intellectual risks, and make progress toward your academic goals.
- Well- Being Coaching: Work with a supportive partner to design your own vision for well-being. Figure out what you want and need at this phase of your life. Move through uncertainty with a trusted guide. Sign Up for a Coaching
- Stanford Mind & Body Lab: Research lab that studies how thoughts, beliefs, and expectations affect our health both within and beyond the realm of medicine, in domains such as exercise, diet, and stress.