Whether you are a frosh or a senior, transitioning to life at Stanford can prove to be quite challenging. Among the bustle of choosing which classes to take, what clubs to join, and where to find time to slow down and breathe, it is easy to feel as though everyone has everything figured out except you. Maybe it is a Stanford thing, but it really does seem like all of your classmates have their futures planned to the T, doesn’t it? Here’s the thing: this is false! Sometimes, those who seem the most put together struggle the most with belonging.
The Myth of Having It All Figured Out
Stanford students are effortlessly perfect right? Wrong! It is important to call this statement out for what it is: a stereotype. Think of the “duck syndrome” metaphor, where people often seem like they are calm above water, but are paddling frantically underneath. The Stanford culture involves seeing what others want us to see. In other words, remember that friend who casually dropped that they were interning at one of the biggest companies in the world this summer? Did they also share how incredibly stressed and under how much pressure they were during the application process? Usually, the answer to this question is no. While it is a good thing to be happy for the success of those around us, it is extremely important to avoid comparing ourselves to that success.
Why Belonging Feels Harder Than It Looks
“Comparison is the thief of joy,” my freshman year roommate once told me. Now, those words are central to the way I reframe my thoughts when I realize I am comparing myself to others. Of course, belonging feels harder than it looks. When everyone around you is also trying their best to pretend that they are thriving, when really they are struggling to stay afloat, you have no option but to do the same. I encourage you to track your personal growth and set personal goals for yourself instead. Instead of looking at others, compare yourself to who you were a month or a year ago. You might be surprised to see how far you’ve come.
Community Beyond Comparison
There is no doubt that transitioning back to Stanford resurfaces questions of fitting in and being good enough. The fast-paced nature of this high-achieving bubble we immerse ourselves into every year can be a huge contrast to the lifestyle we accustomed ourselves to during the summer. However, there are ways to find community beyond comparison. Stanford’s cultural centers, student organizations, and even classes focusing on culture and identity can serve as a way not just to network, but to genuinely connect. Belonging takes time, everyone struggles, and that is normal. The sooner we accept that, the easier it will be to reach out for support when it is needed.
Written by: Citlali Ayala, Class of 2027
Resources
Stanford Resources
- Stanford Asian American Activities Center: Through programming and advising, the center facilitates the multicultural education of all students and the development of leaders who are able to negotiate an increasingly diverse and complex workplace and global environment.
- Black Community Services Center: The Black Community Services Center embodies inclusive excellence through partnering with and educating the Stanford community about the contributions of the African Diaspora, while ensuring that students can thrive and reach their full potential.
- El Centro Chicano y Latino: El Centro nourishes the academic, professional, sociopolitical, cultural, and personal well-being of our communities. They advocate for equity, justice, and accessibility, particularly in issues affecting the Latin American diaspora.
- First Generation and/or Low-Income Student Success Center: The First-Generation and/or Low-Income Student Success Center operates on the pillars of advocacy, mentorship, community & belonging and connections to resources to provide holistic support for first-generation, low-income, transfers, guardian scholars and FLI graduate students at Stanford.
- The Markaz Resource Center: The Markaz supports a vibrant community of students who identify with or are interested in Muslim experiences both here and around the world. They provide a welcoming space, resources, and programming to engage, educate and empower the entire Stanford community.
- Native American Cultural Center: This community center reaches out to new students and their families to help them adjust to life at Stanford—to help them realize their goals and prepare for the future.
- Queer Student Resources: Queer Student Resources (QSR) is dedicated to making Stanford a place where students of all genders and sexualities can flourish.
- Women’s Community Center: The Women's Community Center exists to facilitate growth and engagement for Stanford students around issues of gender, equity, identity, and justice.
- Stanford Well-Being Coaching: Work with a well-being coach to design your own vision for well-being. Figure out what you want and need at this phase of your life.
Additional Resources
- Impostor syndrome: You’re not alone by Stanford Medicine: a helpful video explaining what impostor syndrome is and emphasizing the importance of community!
- TED Talk: To overcome challenges, stop comparing yourself to others.