Stanford
Student Affairs
Male presenting individual with crossed arms making a "no" gesture.

Saying "No" is a No-Brainer!

Here on the Farm, there are constant events to go to, interesting classes to take, and extracurriculars to get involved in. Saying “yes” to each new opportunity can be exciting at first, but can easily become overwhelming. Learning to say “no” to opportunities that don’t fulfill you might be challenging, but learning to set boundaries for yourself can allow you to excel at the activities that fulfill you most!

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It's Okay to Say "No"

Picture this. It’s week three of the quarter and one hour before the add/drop deadline. You’re sitting at your desk with your cursor floating above the “DROP” button on Navigate Enrollment. Your palms are sweaty, your heart is racing, and your fingers shake over the trackpad of your laptop. Even though you’re overwhelmed with homework and so desperately want to drop below 20 units, you’re filled with an all-encompassing feeling of guilt. "If my roommate can survive in 20 units, why can’t I? What’s wrong with me? Am I not smart enough to be here?" Questions swirl through your mind as you sit and contemplate your worth. Deep down, you know that the right decision is to drop your class, but the voices inside keep telling you that you should just tough it out.

After what seems like hours of anxiety and indecisiveness, you decide to ignore those voices inside and do what’s best for you. You click “DROP” and watch the class disappear from your dashboard. Suddenly, you feel your shoulders loosen and your chest expand. Your jaw unclenches and you smile softly, slamming your laptop shut. As stress rolls off of you, you feel free again. You can breathe again. You are yourself again. 

Believe it or not, the "you" in that story is me. And likely you, too. At Stanford, there is an immense pressure to constantly tackle more and take advantage of the fantastic opportunities that campus has to offer. It can be easy to fall into the trap of being a “yes” person. With each opportunity that arises, you learn to say “yes” out of feelings of obligation and guilt instead of taking the extra second to ask yourself, “Is this really what I want? Does this make me happy?” Sometimes saying “no” to others can actually be a “yes” for yourself and your self-care.

This past quarter, I’ve learned that I don’t need to be a “yes” person anymore. I can make the decision to chase after opportunities that bring me joy instead of agreeing to activities that don’t fulfill me. I don’t need to be enrolled in 20 units, involved in four clubs, work five jobs, and say “yes” to each opportunity that arises. In order to flourish — as a student and a person — I need to be aware of what my limits are. If I constantly overextend myself, I won’t be able to give my all to the opportunities that truly fulfill me. In order to be the best version of myself, I need to say "no" sometimes. Saying “no” is a no-brainer!

 

Written by: Chase Klavon, Class of 2025

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Resources

Stanford Resources

  • Academic Resources: Your go-to hub for navigating academic resources at Stanford. 
  • Center for Teaching and Learning (CTL):  The Center for Teaching and Learning (CTL) can support you through its Student Learning Programs! Student Learning Programs include academic coaching, peer tutoring, workshops, study halls, and more.
  • Explore Tips and Tools from the Center for Teaching and Learning: Discover strategies for test prep, time management, tackling burnout, managing test anxiety, and more!
  • Academic Advising: These resources are designed to help you navigate your Stanford career from matriculation to graduation.
  • Tackling Burnout: Learn how to define burnout and the healthiest ways to overcome it by Center for Teaching and Learning. 
  • Mental Health Resources at Stanford: Your go-to hub for navigating the many mental health and well-being resources at Stanford.
  • The Bridge Peer Counseling Center: Seek support from your peers through the Bridge Peer Counseling Center. These trained students can offer a listening ear and/or advice on how to prepare for exams, manage stress and test anxiety, and more!
  • Counseling and Psychological Services: Connect with cross-disciplinary staff who are personally and ethnically committed to providing you care that is rooted in cultural humility and social-justice values. Check out the CAPS infographic to learn how to make an appointment and the services provided.
  • Well-Being Coaching: 1:1 support to help you prioritize your well-being, get unstuck, and reach meaningful goals. Make an appointment here.