Tired of Being Tired: My Battle with Insomnia

Overcoming Sleepless Nights

Insomnia arrived at the beginning of my frosh winter, manifesting as interrupted sleep. I’d go to bed at my usual time and wake up at around 6:00 am every day, no matter how early I went to bed, hoping to fix the issue. Until one day, I just couldn’t fall asleep at all. No matter how hard I tried- slow breathing, relaxing my body one limb at a time, picturing a blank sheet of paper, counting sheep- nothing worked. I would obsessively worry about how this lack of sleep would impact the following day, which was filled with responsibilities. The cycle would repeat itself over and over and over again. My days eventually became filled with dread for bedtime, knowing I wouldn’t be able to get the rest my body and mind desperately needed.

My battle with insomnia was my first symptom of depression. For you, it might just stop at that: insomnia. We’re all different, and insomnia may have shown up at your doorstep for various reasons. I'd like to share a secret, though. Being able to sleep again starts with your thoughts.

What I discovered two years later, thanks to my amazing therapist, was that the worst thing you can do when experiencing insomnia is to worry about how much sleep you’re not getting. Worrying causes emotional distress and activates your brain. To sleep, you need to feel the opposite of that. Worrying fuels the cycle of fear I experienced, where you approach bedtime with the mindset that you already know you won’t be able to sleep. It’s kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I won’t lie; I still have some nights when insomnia returns. This time, I let it come, knowing it doesn’t have to consume my whole life the way it did the first time. Here are some affirmations that I practice and encourage you to try as well:

• “Sleep will come to me eventually.”
• “I’ve had bad nights of sleep before, and I managed pretty well the next day.”
• “Nothing truly catastrophic has ever happened because I had a bad night of sleep.”
• “My brain is just activated right now, but it won’t always be that way, and I will rest.”
• “I am resting, even if I am not sleeping.”

I know how frustrating not being able to sleep can be, especially as someone who LOVES to sleep. Particularly during winter quarter, when academic anxiety tends to heighten, I urge you to prioritize rest- your body and mind deserve it! Remember, you are not alone in this struggle, and there is hope for better nights ahead.

Written by: Citlali Ayala, Class of 2027